urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented shards of crystalline heart shatters The Secret Garden 2004-03-06T16:52:11Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:12336 2003-12-27T06:04:04Z 2004-03-06T16:17:43Z Walking in the winter garden...everything is overgrown and winter-brown. I look for seeds of tomorro...of spring but todays words are screaming "lies, lies, lies!" Is this garden truly dead? Has it been destroyed by love's dream and love's loss? By jealous hearts and hard words?? Maybe it will look different in the spring....maybe it will be gone when I return. I am powerless, as always. All I know is love<br />and pain<br />and love<br />and loss<br />and still.....lovelovelove urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:12098 2003-11-15T10:44:59Z 2004-03-06T16:22:12Z silence. soon this journal will be nothing but a memory.<br />finalized.<br />deleted. <br />sometimes i think i might just want to leave it here.<br />proof that a secret garden once existed.<br />but more than that i would prefer to send it off into the ether.<br />so that it will not sit here dead.<br />for what is sadder than a secret garden that is lost?<br />one that has died and remains there wilting, drying up, unwatered. <br />untended.<br />i see the weeds taking over and i have not the strenght, desire, or energy to pull them.<br />so i shall take my key. lock it up. and wait for some other generation to find when i am gone.<br />i love you as always. ever.<br />i do.<br />and that shall be the last seed scattered here.<br />two-to-the-omega. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:11807 2003-08-24T17:51:02Z 2004-03-06T16:34:02Z thank you for a beautiful day... even when i am sad for no reason but this sometimes weary life... you seem to be able to help me make things better. just by cuddles. just by words. just by the fact that you'll stay and wait and love me anyway. <br />and it is true that...<br /><i>If I were the sun, I would write little notes to you on all the leaves with golden ink and leave them everywhere for you to find.</i><br />and since i am not the sun it will have to suffice for me to write little notes to you with beautiful inks from glass pens and leave those everywhere for you to find.<br />iloveyou i love you iloveyou. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:11564 2003-08-21T09:04:27Z 2004-03-06T16:33:10Z Caroline Rhea on G's TV Loving you. Feeling happy for you, hoping happy is right and good. Hoping yours is real. Hard for an OT like me to understand, somethings,sometimes. I know that R is good for your heart...I pray you know what's good for your spirit, mind,body. Risk. Always good, no matter. Careful, my idgie...please? Lovelovelove urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:11423 2003-07-18T07:06:50Z 2004-03-06T16:32:27Z i love you.<br />i'm sorry for what you have to feel right now.<br />i don't know if you realize. that i've felt much of it before.<br />so much of it.<br />you're a strong woman. beautiful. phenomenal. <br />and as you know.<br />all will be right.<br />in its end.<br />i love you i do.<br />~idgie. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:11027 2003-06-19T07:24:02Z 2004-03-06T16:31:47Z tv. soon to be the sound of rain. i miss you.<br />i do.<br /><br><br />i just wrote a rather large entry here. and then it promptly got erased by my puter. i was telling you about this frightening journal i found. they are listed as my friend. mostly because they added me after they joined fragmentedminds. i dont know them well at all. and this person(s) really creeped me out tonight. their latest entry seemed to be about pedophilia. their own tendencies. and stalking some 9 year old. and being afraid that if they dont stop. something will happen. and i went to their journal and all their interests are just the numbers 1-150 in a list. and they have 653 friends listed. but most are all communities. and they're really scaring me a bit. always seemed harmless before. but not tonight. and there's nothing i can do.<br />i dont know why i'm going on like this here. suppose i just want to talk to you. and its after midnight. i saw you this morning but didnt talk to you again. wanted to let you sleep and rest after omt today. hope your body is feeling alright.<br />i, being the little girl i am, took a big spill today. my knees are scratched. and my body aches. much more than usual from the jar of hitting the floor so hard. but thats this life i suppose.<br />see you in the morn'.<br />sweet dreams. <br />love you.<br />i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:10818 2003-05-07T16:59:09Z 2004-03-06T16:31:15Z bartender - dave matthews you'll probably never read this.<br />but if you do.<br />i hate how things change sometimes.<br />i miss you.<br />i do.<br />and love you.<br />and that is all.<br />i was erasing old text messages on my phone today.<br />and found some where you called me sexy.<br />and lover.<br />and it made me sad.<br />sad to remember someone being so utterly in love with me.<br />there's a lump in my throat now.<br />and i laugh at myself.<br />silly romantic girl. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:10194 2003-01-08T04:48:41Z 2004-03-06T16:30:31Z TMC oh...when is it, her in the Garden? What time? Time is ever lost for me and you now. Time is cosly and there is never enough of it...but how much more time in pain...? *L*!! Well...yes, a lovely surprise, all your posts...and the prophet. I adore you, you know. you do know, I know. Even if you somehow seem to forget. Love you<br />now<br />still<br />always. =2 Omega, epsilon naught<br />lovelovelove urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:9792 2003-01-07T18:20:02Z 2004-03-06T16:30:02Z good morning my sweet... <br />i hit mauve's glowing fish this morning when i awoke.... *note to self: not a good idea*... that's rather frightening when you're not expecting it...<br />have a fabulous day... cant wait to see you tomorrow...<br />miss you.<br />*kiss* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:9503 2003-01-07T07:29:52Z 2004-03-06T16:29:29Z hi. i love you. <br />yeah. thats it really. <br />thanks for listening to me cry and moan today.<br />i needed that. need more probably. ugh.<br />i wish i wish... that i didnt always need reassurance<br />that i'm important to you.<br />(hum... that just popped in my head)<br />its not that i dont know.<br />but part of me... doubts everything, of everyone, all the time.<br />and you are... one of the most important things to me...<br />so maybe that's why that reassurance overcomes all other areas of<br />my insecurity sometimes.<br /><br><br />lyrics that speak to me today:<br /><i>i'm gonna take a holiday in spain<br />leave my wings behind me<br />drive this little girl insane <br />fly away to somewhere new...<br />________________________________<br />love, love, love<br />what more is there<br />cause we need the light of love in here<br />dont beat your head<br />dry your eyes<br />let the love in there<br />there's bad times <br />but that's ok<br />just let the love in there...<br /></i><br /><br><br />love. you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:9295 2003-01-06T08:31:46Z 2004-03-06T16:28:47Z oh i love you. god damn it. and i'll probably let you do my legs just to get the touches! how evil you are.<br />and i love that you're going to come back here someday... and see all these posts... and i never bugged you once about it! hehe... i know... rather excited about silliness...<br /><br><br /><br />an incredibly sappy song by the Corrs (but i love it... and it makes me think of you... and written by mutt lange... shenia twains husband)<br /><h3><br />go on, go on, leave me breathless...<br />i cannot lie... from you i cannot hide<br />i'm losing the will to try...<br />cant hide it cant fight it...<br />so go on, go on, leave me breathless<br />tempt me<br />tease me<br />til i cant deny this loving feeling<br />make me long for your kiss<br />go on, go on...<br />come on.</h3> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:8983 2003-01-04T06:49:52Z 2004-03-06T16:28:02Z spending the day with you and amber today was wonderous. and being nutured to tears... i havent felt that physically cared for in a long time. yes... being loved makes me cry. thankyou thankyou thankyou.<br /><br><br />...But if you fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,<br />Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,<br />Into the seasonless world <br /><h3>where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears...</h3><br />Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.<br />But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:<br />To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.<br /><h3>To know the pain of too much tenderness.<br />To be wounded by your own understanding of love;<br />And to bleed willingly and joyfully.</h3><br />To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving...<br />-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet<br /><br /><br />***i have learned of love... am still learning... and i... fly*** urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:8868 2002-12-27T22:40:20Z 2004-03-06T16:26:36Z "i tried to down play it..." asf <center><br />i love you... my girlfriend, my lover...<br />thank you for calling today...<br />i miss you like that...<br />yes.<br /><br><br />~epsilon naught~</center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:8489 2002-12-11T08:16:48Z 2004-03-06T16:25:52Z oh my... no expectations.... just hope... was hoping to find you here...<br />and look.<br />here you were. <br />a smile on my face at this late hour of 24 past midnight... so happy to have you here in the garden... nestled with me in the cradle of the goddess...<br />i love you.<br />i love you.<br />i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:8378 2002-12-11T04:43:39Z 2004-03-06T16:24:58Z buffy Oh, love...grrrllllll<br />Hellos and I love yous and forget me nots planted in the garden just for you. Gonna try to catch up a lil everywhere, but hurting mightily wristwise. sweet dreams, sweet...<br />lovelovelove,<br />Thorne urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:8159 2002-11-25T05:47:48Z 2004-03-06T16:23:56Z Very hurtsore and almost stoned Thorne just taking a short walk in the Garden to admire the sweetness and leave a little stone mosaic which spells out: I love you = 2 Omega. Kisses and sweet dreams...<br />ps, you'll just have to use your hands tonight...thinking of me, I hope. *smile* Lovelovelove, Your Thorne urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:7776 2002-11-08T05:27:27Z 2004-03-06T16:23:20Z wrestling hey, love-girl-mine!<br />feeling pretty shitty, tonight. Not emotionally or the like; regardless of the fact that I didn't get my cry...*smile*...pretty physically ill. I'm burnin' up and so is the poppie-man. It's only nine and my eyes are burning so, I can't even embroider any longer. I'm still (silly me) gonna try to get a lil niel in, but I haven't high hopes there, either.<br />So I'm thinking, la-la (okay, so I pick shit like this up, I admit it...*wry grin*), anyway, la-la-girl...that if you're okay when you call tonight when you get off work, that I'm gopnna call it a night, myself.<br />But I'm thinking ahead.<br />Thinking about a gorl I love....<br />(great typo, eh?! That would be "girl")<br />hoping she won't feel too sad, or rejected, or unloved or any of the things she sometimes feels over which I have no power;<br />Hoping that she understands that I'm sick and yucky<br />and poppie is sick and yucky<br />and I also really want to try to apply some of the spending pointed time together instead of just "hanging" always.<br />and I also need to get stuff done in the am before I feel like shit again tomorro afternoon...(cuz that seems to be this illness' cycle)<br />and anyway what alot of blah-blah-blah just to tell you that I decided to come to our garden<br />and remind you that I love you<br />and thank you for our lovely coffee-date<br />and especially your bright eyes and our sharing<br />and again that I love you<br />(and I'm sorry I'm so awkward and half unclear...I'm not usually so inarticulate, you know...must be the fever)<br />I feel like a bull snorting hot breath across my lips...a minotaur, maybe.<br />I don't like it.<br />But know I love you<br />and need you<br />and want you<br />and think<br />and dream of you....<br />and even when I don't sit and write poetry all the time<br />nonetheless it sings in my soul for you<br />and is as true today<br />and yet tomorro<br />as when it was written.<br />Going to bed now.<br />Hoping finding a bit here makes you smile.<br />Lovelovelove<br />Thorne urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:7590 2002-11-07T09:40:50Z 2004-03-06T16:22:42Z tori's gonna be on carson... in waiting where oh where has my little girl gone<br />oh where oh where could she be...<br /><br><br />miss you 'round here... needing you... needing your arms to hold me... needing quiet... needing... i''m sorry that i need. i wish i didnt. <br /><br><br />love you... yes yess i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:7397 2002-10-17T05:03:13Z 2004-03-06T16:52:11Z each light <br />extinguished flashes behind <br />my eyes screaming and stabbing<br />piercing<br />feathers fluff <br />beaks grind<br />happy sounds be praised<br />else I'd die of the shards of white kisses <br />in my brain.<br /><br />Hildy calls for you<br />her erica hellos<br />and soft coos and bobs I<br />long to twine my neck<br />long and supple<br />soft and downey<br />around yours and gurgle our own<br />promise.<br /><br />The hot rubber sloshes<br />late against your softness<br />will pull you into me<br />where I need<br />you<br />where you need<br />me<br />I think<br />I feel<br />I hope;<br />Kali knows.<br /><br />The screen light burns as fingers<br />stumble to speak<br />what I need to scream<br />my love<br />you<br />my heart<br />my spirit<br />my forever<br />my girrrl-woman-girl.<br /><br />My spirit wants no distance<br />no separation<br />no apathy<br />no anger at him<br />nor does my heart<br />but tonight as he sleeps upside down<br />his head at the foot of our bed<br />I'll sigh and close my eyes<br />stay heads<br />up and<br />pretend.<br /><br />Tonight I <br />am only<br />alone<br />alone as you sleep in your bed<br />dreaming of me<br />as<br />I hold you <br />deeper than the heat<br />from this rubber bottle can ever go<br />all the way in me<br />in my belly where I swallow you<br />nothing <br />between us<br />not <br />me or you<br />not him<br />not death or life or time or<br />space<br />not skin or even <br />breath.<br /><br />I<br />am<br />yours.<br />~Thorne 10-16-02<br /><br />I love you, my heart. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:7011 2002-10-10T09:35:19Z 2004-03-06T16:50:43Z needing you... tonight seeing you again after being away just a few days... i wanted to reach for you every second... didnt want to let you go... and i think it was part being away... and part the "recent events!" knowing that it's "ok"... that you're ok... is just incredible... and magnetic... how i love you... and wantwantwant you... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:6709 2002-10-08T08:20:06Z 2004-03-06T16:51:19Z Sweet childe, your words tonight lighted within me a fire...I thought my libido passed this cycle, but you!! Wanting your Thorne, missing your Thorne....I love you, I miss you, I want you deeply. Mmmm. Damn. kisses all over your sweet body. Lovelovelove urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:6557 2002-10-07T19:52:49Z 2004-03-06T16:49:45Z the twilight zone theme; playing in my head Front and center screen: Rod Serling<br />The setting: A wooden deck in a yard somewhere in California:<br />Rod:<br />"Imagine if you will a married couple. A rather large, long haired man and his red haired wife, enjoying an evening working together in the yard. A happy scene and one would think normal, until one listened to the conversation, and overheard them speak of a love, of loves, in fact, that can only be found, here...in the twilight zone."<br /><br />(Pan to Terry, kneeling on the deck, hammering)<br /><br />Terry: "You know that Chris was asking about Willow....he said there was something special about her, and there is....<br /><br />Thorne: "I know. She's just precious, I love her so much."<br /><br />Terry: "Well, you know that Chris, I wouldn't want to say anything bad-"<br /><br />Thorne: "I know, he's a nice enough guy-"<br /><br />Terry: "But I wouldn't want someone like that, a 'swinging dick', to get with someone I care about so much, like Willow"<br /><br />Thorne: "I know, he's a nice enough guy, but he's a dog. Don't worry, I don't think Willow would fall for him"<br /><br />Terry: When he asked about her I didn't want to say anything I shouldn't, but I know he likes her..."<br /><br />Thorne: "Don't worry honey, I don't think our Willow is really interested in boys right now. She's been hurt too badly, and she really just needs girl-love."<br /><br />Terry: "Oh! Is she... (hand waves side to side)<br /><br />Thorne: "Well, kinda. I don't think she's ever really had a girl-lover, you know, but she said she'd rather have a girlfriend right now. In fact, I think I pretty much am kinda friend, mom and girlfriend all rolled into one for her.<br /><br />Terry: That's good. Because she is so special, and she means so much to me. I'm so happy she is in our life.<br /><br />(camera pans to take in the couple standing, as Terry turns to Thorne and opens his arms)<br /><br />Terry: "And I want you to know if anything ever did happen between you two, I wouldn't mind. Because some things are just good for people."<br /><br />(closeup of Thorne's adoration as she steps within his arms to embrace Terry)<br /><br />Thorne: "Oh, Poppie, I love you so much. You are just the best man on earth"<br /><br />(camera pans to a wideshot as they continue to work on the deck, each smiling with love shining in their eyes)<br /><br />Enter Rod:<br /><br />"Yes, even in this world of misunderstanding, of pain and lies, sometimes, things go right in.....the twilight zone"<br /><br /><center>the end</center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:6184 2002-10-06T05:38:01Z 2004-03-06T16:49:02Z i shall miss you. i already do. on my list of things to take (yes, i make lists when i have to pack... i'm always forgetting things)... it says "pictures..." of course i'm packing one of you and i... i'm hope-fully romantic that way! ha! <br />let not stress and the weights of life be your keepers these next few days... i worry that i cannot help with some of the weight... even if its just till wednesday... <br />i lovelovelove you... forget me not (i know you never would... i just like the way it sounds... *wink* ;-) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:5940 2002-10-05T18:16:14Z 2004-03-06T16:48:24Z as much as i'm looking forward to my little trip these coming days... its killing me to know i'll be away from you... the cycle of my desires is coming full circle once again... and i yearn for you... it's awful... to have you so close so much... and not <i> have </i> you! do you know what you do to me? do you have any idea... haha! watch out woman... you're mine when i get back... <br /><br><center><br />_______________________<br />go on, go on...<br />leave me breathless...<br />-the coors</center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:girlfragmented:5762 2002-10-04T17:50:47Z 2004-03-06T16:47:49Z the price is right, blaring from G's TV I think I'm going to rebel against the idea of turns. *s* I've even figured out how to do it. I'm just going to post in here every time I want to post at all! Just make it part of my posting day...which means, no doubt, that I'll be telling you all my loving thoughts as well as my fears and various thoughts floating by......<br />For instance.<br />I'm in so much fear that your having these huge resentments surrounding my inability to help you with your room. It doesn't seem to matter that my intentions were good (you know, they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions), and it doesn't seem to matter that my situation sometimes just sorta sux....<br />what I don't really know is if I'm reading all this into your general unhappiness with your worsening descent from the mania, or if you're really blaming me. It's difficult to ask you, too. <br />So. I'm asking. Here, where maybe you can say.<br />In the meantime, let me tell you what a joy and help and fun and comfort you have been/are, to me! All the time, but especially even now when things are so nuts with all Fawn's wedding stuff. Thank you. I love you. Your heart, my heart; lovelovelove